How can I help someone struggling with their mental health?
- City First Aid
- 1 day ago
- 5 min read
First aid is usually associated with physical injury and illness, but looking out for someone who is struggling is part of caring for people too.
With MATES in Construction’s Fly the Flag campaign running from 7–11 September 2026, Nick has shared some thoughts on mental health, looking out for your mates, and what it can mean to ask twice when something doesn’t seem right. -Gail
Ask Twice
I watched a short video recently that stuck with me.
A forestry worker has been crushed beneath a fallen tree. His mate asks if he's alright.
"Yeah mate, I'm fine."
The answer is so ridiculous that it's funny. Of course he isn't fine. There's a tree lying across his back.
So his mate asks again.
It's a simple message, but I think there's something quite important behind it.
If someone had a tree on top of them, none of us would hesitate. We'd recognise immediately that this wasn't something they could just "walk off". We'd call for help. We'd stay with them. We'd take it seriously.
The problem is that mental health rarely looks like that.
We're actually pretty good at understanding physical health. We know that being hit by a falling tree is more serious than being hit by a twig. We know there's a difference between a sprained ankle and a broken leg. A sprain can still be extremely painful, but we understand that these injuries exist on a scale. We might not know exactly how to treat every injury, but we generally have a shared understanding of what they mean and how urgently someone might need help.
Mental health is much harder.
Take the word depression. Sometimes people use it to describe feeling low, upset, or having a rough week. At the other end of the scale, depression can be a debilitating illness that leaves someone struggling to get out of bed or function normally for weeks at a time.
Those are vastly different experiences, yet we can use the same word to describe both.
It's a bit like calling every injury a "leg problem". It doesn't give us much to work with.
I sometimes wonder whether we'd have easier conversations if we thought a little more about brain health. Our brain is part of our body. Like any other part of us, things can go wrong. Sometimes it needs rest and recovery. Sometimes it needs support. Sometimes it needs professional treatment.
Thinking about mental health in those terms might also make it a little easier to talk about.
One thing I've learnt through living with someone who has bipolar disorder is that mental illness rarely affects just one person. We quite rightly spend a lot of time thinking about supporting the person who is unwell, but we don't always think about the husband, wife, partner, parent, friend or workmate standing beside them.
It's easy to feel that because you're not the one with the health condition, your own struggles somehow don't count.
They do.
And as men, many of us aren't particularly good at asking for help at the best of times.
There can also be that feeling that we're supposed to be "the man" — the one who keeps going, provides for the whānau and supports everyone else when things get tough.
There's nothing wrong with wanting to be strong for the people around us.
But sometimes that sense of responsibility makes it harder to admit when we're struggling ourselves. Add the feeling that someone else "has it worse", and it's very easy to convince yourself that your own problems aren't important, or that you just need to tough it out and keep going.
But looking after yourself isn't letting your whānau down. Sometimes it's what allows you to keep being there for them.
And asking for help doesn't necessarily mean lying on a therapist's couch.
Sometimes it's catching up with a mate for a beer.
Sometimes it's making some time to get outside, go for a ride, walk the dog or do whatever it is that gives your brain a break.
Sometimes it's telling someone, "I'm not coping as well as I thought."
And sometimes it does mean speaking with your GP, a counsellor or another health professional.
Just as you wouldn't ignore a serious physical injury, it's important not to ignore ongoing changes in your mood, sleep, energy or ability to cope.
Look out for your mates
We don't need to diagnose each other. Most of us wouldn't try to diagnose a complicated physical illness either.
What we can do is notice when something has changed.
Maybe someone has become quieter and withdrawn. Perhaps they're unusually angry or irritable. They might stop doing things they normally enjoy, start missing work, struggle to concentrate, or simply not seem like themselves.
That's where the message from that video comes back in.
Ask twice.
"How are you going?"
"Yeah, good."
"No, really. How are you?"
The first answer is often the automatic one.
The second answer might be the honest one.
And if you're the person being asked, perhaps give yourself permission to answer honestly too.
Where to find support
You don't have to wait until things reach crisis point before asking for help. Talking to a mate, your partner, whānau or your GP can be a good place to start.
If you'd rather talk to someone you don't know, 1737 offers free, confidential support from trained counsellors and peer support workers. You can call or text 1737 at any time, 24 hours a day.
Lifeline Aotearoa provides free and confidential support on 0800 543 354, or you can text HELP to 4357.
If you or someone else is in immediate danger, call 111.
1737 – Need to Talk? – free support, information and resources: https://www.1737.org.nz/
Lifeline Aotearoa – confidential phone and text support: https://www.lifeline.org.nz/
Mental Health Foundation of New Zealand – information and resources about looking after your mental health: https://mentalhealth.org.nz/
Your GP – you don't need to be in crisis to make an appointment and talk about how you're feeling.
To support Fly The Flag for a tradie in your life, you can purchase a flag here HERE
This Tradie Awareness Month, perhaps that's something we can all do a little more often. If something doesn't seem right, ask again. Stay for the answer. And if you're the one who's struggling, remember that asking for help doesn't have to be a big dramatic step.
If your mate had a tree lying across his back, you'd help without thinking twice.
Sometimes the injuries we can't see deserve exactly the same response.
Ngā mihi nui,
City First Aid Instructor | Pilot.
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