What’s my husband done now?
- City First Aid
- Oct 7
- 4 min read
Usually when I (Gail) say “What’s my husband done now?” you'd be expecting to hear about his ongoing battle with spatial awareness, resulting in another bleeding bit, head bump or missing part to contend with.
But sometimes what he’s done now - is gone quiet.
Depression can look like nothing’s wrong: just a man sitting, or sleeping, or staring at a screen more. But as a wife, you learn the signs. The stillness. The pull-back. The moments where his spark dulls, and your heart does that little ache because you know what’s coming next.
I share this with his permission, in the hope that it adds to the kōrero around how we care for each other.
Supporting someone through depression is both simple and impossibly hard. You make dinner. You bathe the kids. You keep the routine steady. You remind yourself not to take the silence personally. And you keep loving - even when you can’t fix it, and especially because you can’t fix it.
That’s the hardest part, isn’t it? The wanting to fix. We try so hard to mend what feels broken. But here’s the truth: they’re not broken. They’re hurting. And that’s not the same thing.
Sometimes supporting means getting help straight away. Other times it’s holding space instead: being beside someone in the fog until they can see a bit of light again, or learning to dance in the rain together.
None of us walks through that fog alone. Mental-health challenges reach all people, all communities, all whānau, even though in the thick of it, it can feel like you’re the only one standing in the rain. So many of us are there with you, with umbrellas in our backpacks and hearts full of hope.
Across Aotearoa, passionate people work in our mental-health system, making a difference every day. Yet when you’re the one standing beside someone in crisis, it can still feel lonely and uncertain.
Loving someone through the fog takes courage - and community. It takes tools, open conversation, and a willingness to sit with the hard stuff so we can keep building better ways to support each other.
This is something so many families live quietly. It’s why this week matters - and why we keep the conversation on the table, not tucked away.
Next year, we’re planning to grow that conversation even further through a new Mental Health First Aid programme - learning together how to better care for those who care, and for ourselves along the way.
This week is Mental Health Awareness Week here in Aotearoa | New Zealand, and if you’ve ever been that person holding the line for someone you love — I see you. I feel you. I am you.
I’m sharing this as a wife, not a clinician, in the hope of reminding each other that above the clouds there’s still brilliant sunshine, even when we can’t see it. Sometimes hope is simply believing the light is still there.
At City First Aid, we’re always learning - sharing, talking, supporting, because first aid isn’t only about bodies. It’s about people. If there’s something you’ve learned that helps others walk beside someone through the fog, we’d love to hear it. Every shared story helps someone else feel less alone.
This week the Mental Health Foundation of New Zealand is running their Top Up Together campaign, sharing simple ways to connect and lift each other up.
If you or someone you love is struggling, you can can call or text 1737 any time to talk to a trained counsellor, for free.
If someone is in immediate physical danger, call 111.
For local crisis mental-health teams, you can call:0800 920 092 (24/7)
National / Supplementary Helplines
1737 – Call or text anytime, free, trained counsellor Mental Health New Zealand
Lifeline – 0800 543 354 or text 4357 Lifeline New Zealand
Suicide Crisis Helpline – 0508 828 865 (also known as 0508 TAUTOKO)
Youthline – 0800 376 633 or text 234 (for rangatahi / youth)
Kidsline (for children) – 0800 543 754
Christchurch | Canterbury
Local / Regional Support in Canterbury | North Canterbury (Rangiora / Waimakariri / Hurunui)
Stepping Stone Trust delivers residential, respite, and community support services for adults, youth and families experiencing mental distress. Call: 03 008 6390
Community Wellbeing North Canterbury Trust Free social and community support, whānau / youth services in Waimakariri & Hurunui. Call: 03 310 6375
Manu Ka Rere (formerly CYMHS / Youth Mental Health Services, Canterbury) Offers counselling, support, group work for young people aged 13-24. Call: 03 281 7616
Mana Ake – Stronger for Tomorrow Works with tamariki (primary school) and whānau in Canterbury & North Canterbury and Kaikōura to promote wellbeing, early support in schools. Talk to your local school if you think your child would benefit from support from the Mana Ake team.
Te Tahi Youth (Youth Hub Christchurch)Free medical care, counselling, youth work for ages ~10–24 in Christchurch. Call:03 943 9298
Sparklers Sparklers NZ is a free online wellbeing toolkit offering simple, research-informed activities for tamariki (children), kaiako (teachers), and whānau to build emotional literacy, resilience, and a positive classroom and home culture. I love this website, so many great activities I use with my moko!
#WhatsMyHusbandDoneNow #MentalHealthAwarenessWeek #cityfirstaid #mentalhealthfirstaid #helpforthehelpers #whānauwellbeing #spaceholding #caringisfirstaid
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